I’m tired of being a fatty

I’ve told myself for awhile, that, even though I’m fat, I carry it well. I don’t let it all hang out, I dress modestly, and the clothes I wear make my figure look less corpulent than otherwise. All that said, I’m tired of carrying around the gut. I think I’m going to try this losing weight thing. But first, I need to find out how much my fat ass weighs.

Plan A: Crash Dieting
Plan B: Crash Exercise
Plan C: Perm
Plan D: Anorexia
Plan E: Bulimia
Plan F: Perm of All 4
Plan G: Perm of B D and E.
Plan H: A reasonable Diet and exercise regime.

I haven’t really figured out what Plan H will consist of. Probably some leisure walking, since I really don’t have any wind to speak of. The dieting will probably be more touch and go. I certainly am not going to be one of those creatures who exist solely on carrot sticks and bottled water. We shall see how this works.

Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I’m seriously advocating Anorexia or Bulimia as diet plans should obviously look at the tenor of which they were proposed.

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2 Responses to I’m tired of being a fatty

  1. Nat says:

    I’m so offended that you would advocate Anorexia! That is inconsiderate and honestly rude to individuals who suffer with it, because obviously they have the lesser eating disorder. Bulimia forever!

    On a serious note- I understand the weight loss goal. I wish I still had a working scale I could let you borrow, but mine is broken and I’ve been using the one @ the KFC. If you ever want to walk, jog, exercise together, consume small meals with me… let me know.

    Also- number one thing you can do for yourself right now- start eating more meals. Notice I didn’t say more food, just more meals. Take the same amount of food you eat everyday and break it into several meals so that you end up w/ 5-7 instead of 1-3 meals. In other words, half everything, eat half now and half later. This way you’re constantly eating, you’re never really hungry, and you up your metabolism LIKE CRAZY.

    If you are concerned w/ what you’re eating, get a calorie/fat counter going like thedailyplate.com or fitday.com. My recommendation is for the first, and it is the one I use.

    There is my two cents. I hope it’s helpful.

    Oh yeah- and if you’re really serious about this (which you seem to be) it’s always good to have a support buddy. I figure I’m a pretty good fit for that since I am also in this process. Let me know if you want one, because I”m here.

  2. matthewsteele says:

    If you haven’t discounted Plan A yet, I’ve got 6 new and unique crash diets for you: http://www.cracked.com/article_15780_6-most-insane-crash-diets-all-time.html

    Good luck in any case. I’ll miss you if there’s less of you around.

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